the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This baby is an asshole
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize