having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
