shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
