I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize