I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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