Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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