my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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