she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
