That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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