I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
