he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
