I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
