well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
