I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
