I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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