So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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