You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
