So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
