Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize