I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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