dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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