After last night, I could never be a politician.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
