i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize