You don't have asthma, your pregnant
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
