i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize