omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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