the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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