What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
