if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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