Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize