I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
