I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
