He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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