ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
