The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize