You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
