oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize