ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
