dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
