Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
