you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
