did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
