quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
