Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
