Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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