Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize