we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
