just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
