My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
