I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
