and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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