I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
