then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
