drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize