Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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