i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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