I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
