I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
