Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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