Need sex. Gaining weight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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