dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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