i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We were destined to go to rehab together
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
