Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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