at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
