I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my being single is dangerous.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
