I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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