Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
