its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
