dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
