Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
