ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
