it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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