I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
