I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
