put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
