so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I will be naked everywhere
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
