We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If that was your dad, he is hot
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
