i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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