Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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