College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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