It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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