"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
