I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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