Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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