I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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