Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
