I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
