Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
