never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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