Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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