I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
