I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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