Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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