I didn't shave. On purpose
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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