"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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