You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
