My first STD was from a foam party
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
