i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
