There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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